Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Now It's Personal

They used to be called "icebox melons" or "red jewel" watermelons. You know the kind - they're very small, seedless (or at least the seeds are edible and less offensive than the usual hard black variety you see scattered all over parks during picnic season).

They've recently changed the marketing on these little globes of sugary goodness, and are now known as "personal watermelons."


I'd like my personal whale, please.

"Personal" usually means for an individual. Or perhaps something one does in private, like a "personal massager." So I don't get this. Am I getting hypersensitive to language? Am I, perhaps, becoming curmudgeonly, and easily irritated by mild alterations to my mother tongue.

I almost used the word srsly the other day, and had to stop myself. Because how do you take anyone serious who uses a word like "srsly"?

Another important question to be asked about a personal watermelon - how much vodka can the little devil absorb? Because I'd like to get my personal drunk on, and I could bring one of these green spheres to work, loaded to the gills with Grey Goose, and no one would be able to tell without a watermelon breathalyzer. I might even be complimented on my improved diet.

I might go for "purse" melon, or something like that, implying a very small size, but personal implies that this one is just for me.

Oh, and our cat, the Muzzle, likes watermelon. Leading me to quote one of the great movies of all time, Reuben and Ed: "My cat can eat a whole watermelon!" I think Muzzle could.

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