Thursday, August 9, 2007

Oh God Oh God Oh God - I'm SUCH AN IDIOT

noooooooooooooooooooo - I'm SO DUMB

A man in Colorado has had his thumbs altered so he could use his iPhone better. NO, he DIDN'T

The procedure is known as "whittling." Actually, it ISN'T.



OK

I get that with new technologies, sometimes you have to adapt - slightly - to a new interface, or a new behavior system associated with them. My favorite Jargon Watch word from Wired magazine was "beepilepsy" - the jerking, surprised motions of someone who's beeper has been set to "vibrate." However...

This is not mental adaptation. This is beyond the usual physical adaptation. Forget about Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Tennis Elbow. Now we're talking, "I had my thumbs whittled down to work on my new phone!"


That sentence shouldn't ever come into existence. This is a $500 gadget that should allow any sort of user to adapt themselves to it, and not require whacko surgery that then prevents the end user from being able to open a jar of spaghetti sauce.

That's the only side effect that he's noticed, anyway. Stay tuned for more.

Oh, my gentle Jeebus. The doctor involved in the surgery glowingly spoke of this as being an improvement over the usual reasons for plastic surgery. He's not getting pec implants, or a nose job - that's just vain. No, we're improving his workplace efficiency. Yeah. That's a great reason to alter your body. So you can be a better tool for someone else.

GET A F**KING TATTOO. It might improve your self-esteem, and might even persuade you that your money is better spent on a phone that can be used to call people, not one that connects you to everyone and everything, and even kind of knows where you are all the damn time.

See, I'm an Apple FREAK. I love all products Apple. I've gone somewhat drooly over one of my colleague's iPhones. He gets his thumbs reduced so he could use it better? I'd be calling the guys in the white coats with the butterfly net. I'd buy a gun so I could beat him to death with it. Or maybe an old AT&T phone.

The DSM IV needs a new entry: "iPhone madness."

Ahwell... punk'd again. This story was mad eup and posted ina semi-reputable newspaper. Maybe I shoudl start distributing not news as news and see what happens. Be another Joey Skaggs.

3 comments:

Chris said...

I think that your co-worker could use a visit from the little men in white suits anyway... iPhone or not. :)

Love,
Chris (miss me??? or have you already forgotten?)

magicalpig said...

You have by now no doubt discovered that this delightful tale is not true -- see original link for update.

Boegle said...

For what it's worth, I thought it was an awesome rant.